Now I understand....

  When I was younger I told my mother that I never wanted to have kids or even get married.... EVER!  I stood by that thinking for quite awhile into my 20s... and then came along my beautiful baby boy and all of my feelings changed regarding having children.. (still had to get my mind wrapped around getting married).  Now, 2 kids, a fiancee, and many years later I am starting to think that maybe I had that outlook because somehow I knew how scary this world was going to be.....  The biggest concerns I used to have about my children were being bullied, being clumsy enough to hurt themselves seriously, eating the right things, possibly being kidnapped or getting molested... While those things are still incredibly scary and constantly on my mind, I now have "other" issues that I must add to that list.  I now live in fear that with each phone call I am getting and not getting could mean my children might be facing some crazy person with a gun or a bomb threat at their school.  Watching the news is horrifying and almost at this point it's sad that the headline "gunman... blah blah blah" is pretty much "the norm".  It's amazing that this world that can be such a beautiful and magnificent place can also be so terrifyingly scary to the point of thinking about it all brings one to tears.  I am scared of the world my children are growing up in.  My heart goes out to Baltimore this evening, such a tragedy that shouldn't have happened......

Through the pain....

  Happy New Year!!! again, lol.  I have a forceful migraine that is pushing me almost toward tears, but a goal I have made for myself is to do my best to push through things that are a constant.  I've had migraines for years, it's time to stop letting them wear me down, so I will blog through the pain.  Woo!  Enough of my personal cheerleading, the reason I decided to blog today is because I saw a graphic today, (pictured below), that is something I have said for years.  Why is it that my black community does not see this to be true?  Why is it that this reality does not blow their minds as it does mine?  Why are we so self destructive and blind to it at the same time?  It boggles my mind to see some people get so upset about what other people are doing but refuse to see the giant problem right in our face?  I saw something at the doctor's office today that was so disheartening and embarrassing at the same time.  3 young children dropped off at the doctor's office to fend for themselves, the oldest being no more than 13.  When the nurse was trying to get the information from the children, they just sat silent until about the 4th time of her mentioning it, when the oldest little girl, rudely told her that they cannot fill out the paperwork because they didn't know how, their mother wasn't there.  There are so many things wrong with that picture, that it just doesn't make sense.  The kids eventually ended up leaving, I have no idea where they went when they left the office.

  I wonder now if I should have done something, stepped in to make sure that they were not just going to be walking miles to home or something.  Then I think, what could I have done?  The little girl clearly had attitude for days, and most likely would not have allowed me to help them and would have pissed me off in the process with her attitude.  I just feel sorry for those kids, obviously pretty much raising themselves, I almost wonder if the little girl was the one who took the initiative to make the appointment to begin with.  I just want better for us as a whole, I want there to be more positiveness and less "woe is me, whatever" type attitude.   I want their to be a sense of pride throughout for every child.  I want the thought of killing your brother not to be an option.  I want the need to be "hard" to be less about being cold and more about being an actual man. I want others to have the wants that I have.

  How do we encourage a whole generation to be better adjusted, better educated, want to be prosperous?  It takes us all that's how, we just have to do better.  It can be done.  We can't get mad at how others perceive us if we clearly have no respect for ourselves.