Tuesday, June 24, 2014

why are YOU mad?

   So recently a Buzzfeed video came out about if black people said to white people what white people say to black people. (still with me?) I watched the video and thought it was hilarious! Reading through the comments it was clear I was one of few who did. There was an abundance of anger from white people, saying the video was racist and race baiting... Interesting.
It's interesting that a video, made to tell the experiences of others in a comedic way, was turned around to be made a vicious attack on white people. 

It's interesting (and sad) that people have made themselves the victim when others have lifelong experiences of the examples given. It's also interesting how easy people are able to jump into the victim role by turning something about others into something all about them. Just goes to show how truly self centered some people are.

Allow me to open your eyes as to why the examples in the video are so silly:

  • When you tell me I talk like a white girl/guy, you're telling me that you have made the assumption that all black people can only speak one way and that way is unintelligible. (hardly the case)

  • When you tell me I'm whiter than you because I don't listen to such and such rap artist, you're telling me that you believe all black people listen to rap and rap only, and to listen to anything else is just unheard of.

I could go on, but I think you get the point. If you feel that this information being pointed out to you in a light hearted way is racist... Then you must be mad at all the people who think this way because otherwise it makes no sense. When we hear these things, most likely we don't get upset, we laugh it off because well.. We expect it. This is how we are represented in mainstream media.
We are "expected" to act a certain way and do certain things and any stray away from the stereotype all of a sudden makes us a different race, how telling. 

Nobody is thinking that ALL white people say these things, but I'm willing to believe that most of the people who haven't actually said it, have at least thought it. Here's the thing, though.... It's NOT A BIG DEAL! Seriously, how dare people get offended by something that we have dealt with for so long and are rarely even bothered by it most of the time. Take this video and take from it what it is giving you, another outlook. Open your mind and see outside of your bubble.

 It's NOT always about YOU. 

Some of the comments I read, people were disgusted because they felt that the video was generalizing the entire white population... Really? That's actually what the examples are proving from the other side. Black people are not just an ongoing rap video, we're not all drug dealers, we're not all on welfare, we don't all listen to rap, we live amongst you doing pretty much the same things you do, but unfortunately we are not given as much credit. 

At this point in my life, I have been called a white girl, asked about my "nappy" hair, been told I sound nothing like the voice on the phone and how surprising I am black, been told how "articulate" I am, been called uppity, etc., more times than I like, but that's life, that's how it goes and all I can do is laugh it off. Could you imagine what I would be called if I got offended?!  Is our community represented diversely in media... not so much, and because of that we do have specific stations and websites and such dedicated solely to us, because we DO want to be represented as more than just the stereotyped norm. Why is that wrong?

Stop letting anger be the first emotion to take over when you're confronted by something you don't understand. That goes for everybody. Try understanding, empathy, at least curiosity. I considered the video to be a funny joke, but after going through the comments, I realize it can be used for so much more if people allow themselves to open their minds about it instead of automatically be offended. 

Have a seat and breathe. Everything will hopefully be OK.... hopefully. Don't expect me to be your stereotype, I won't do it to you.

Thoughts on this, let me hear from you in the comments!

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Things I learned from planning my wedding. .

So I got married a few weeks ago, and I couldn't be happier! My wedding was full of ups and downs, screaming fits and crying, hopefulness and gratefulness. The first thing I cannot express enough is the sentiment that you find out who your true friends are while planning a wedding, could not be more true! (Especially in my case) Within 2/3 months of officially beginning to plan my wedding and picking my 'maids', the drama began. Unfortunately for me, my "true" friends were mostly out of state, so I was limited on who I could pick without inconveniencing anyone.

I had picked 2 co-workers who I had grown close with, an old friend I used to hang out with, and a high school friend who lived within the state but outside the city. Let's just say that by the time my wedding day arrived, the first 3 women had been replaced. There were some serious personality mismatches happening that showed that these women were never truly my friends to begin with. I do not blame them for the drama that happened, rather I blame myself for not realizing the kind of people they were to begin with.

My first tip is this: Realize who is actually your friend before expecting them to be your friend when you need them. Some people can put on the most serious of facades, but a lie can only be carried on for so long before it gets too heavy for even the most deceitful of persons. Once the drama was over and done with, I was able to get on with planning my beautiful day. I would have loved to have hired a wedding planner or a day of co-ordinator, but it just didn't seem fiscally feasible. Why pay someone to do something that I am completely capable of doing on my own? I've planned a few parties in my day that were all successes, how much harder would this be?
Let's just say that planning a wedding (solo dolo), going to school, raising children, having daily migraines, working, and attempting to stay pleasant around my then-fiance was not the most desirable of situations, lol. Once I took a break from school, I was able to manage things a bit better. 
After finding what seemed to be a great venue, a florist, bakery, and other small details, I couldn't wait for the day to finally come!

Once I was able to concentrate on my dress, I CONCENTRATED on my dress! I knew that I wanted my dress to be original and as different as I could think of, so I decided to dye it! My mother came down and we picked out the most beautiful dress, we both fell in love!

Once I bought it and took it home, I found the most amazing woman! Marisela was advertised on Etsy for dyeing services, and I knew that she was going to make my dress amazingly Me-Ified... And she did NOT disappoint! I could not believe how insanely incredible the dress came out! Not only did I add the pink ombre..


I also gave the girls some decoration! ;)

The day of my wedding was lots of running! Even though I had clearly scheduled enough time to do everything, I realized that day that for some reason, time didn't stop when I needed it! Perish the thought! Nothing really had to suffer due to unfortunate timing, and everyone lived (because I didn't want to get blood on my dress). All of my planning, insanity, and stress was for good use. I got so many compliments on everything and people even saying they wanted me to plan events for them, lol! 
So my list of tips-
  • Don't let people persuade you from something you envision, if you know in your heart it will be what you want (you're not a child).
  • Never forget it's you and your future husband's day! Nobody else's! Don't let family try to backseat plan YOUR wedding! Never feel that you have to sacrifice to make OTHER people happy. Always remember that nobody else has the right to tell you what to do on YOUR day.

  • Explore all of your options! Read reviews! Do your research! The biggest regret of my wedding was the venue and bakery chosen. Even though the cake was beautiful and the venue was beautiful, what I had to deal with was NOT worth it. If I had to do it all over again, I would avoid those businesses like the plague! 

  • And lastly, have fun! Enjoy it! If you're not having fun planning what should be a fun time, how's that going to work out? Don't allow yourself to get bogged down in all the trends, styles, and latest fads. Do you and what you like because being true to you will never be out of date! Pinterest, wedding forums, wedding sites, etc., are fun, but don't make them you're entire life. A wedding only lasts 1 day, it's your marriage that should be your focus for longterm. Oh and if you're going to plan a wedding with certain colors that are out of season on your wedding date, make sure to do a lot of planning ahead to get the things you'll need! ;)

Saturday, January 4, 2014

So..... That 2013.... Yea...

So... 2013, what a year! Not really, but.. ya know. As I think back about this year, I remember a lot of anger, not necessarily in my direct life, but in the world. So many people upset about this and that and whatever, that for the most part do not have anything to do with anybody's actual lives for them to be upset about. I also remember a lot of stupidity, more "reality" shows, more over dramatizing of Hollywood happenings, more grown ass adults crying over who gets to do what, childishly clamoring to get people's attention instead of having people's best interests in mind. 
But... There was some good in 2013, I got married! (woo) 
But 2013 craziness aside, I have high hopes for the new year! I personally stopped making resolutions a long time ago, but what I do is make little goals for myself. One of those goals is to be more patient. After enduring some serious road rage, it occurred to me that people are out of control in the disrespect aspect of life. I've always known how rude and ridiculous people can be, but I am overwhelmed by just how crazy it has gotten. I don't understand how people can be so lax in how they treat people. I didn't realize that people were so filled with hate that even the most simple acts of kindness are too much work. 

But either way, here's to the new year! I pray and hope that it is better than last year for everyone!