This is life. .. for some. ..

Everyday I wake up, I know who I am. .I am a black woman living in America.  This concept seems simple enough to me and not a big deal.  I go to work, deal with my issues, take care of my bills and my family. .. normal things?  I grew up extremely naive of the world as a military brat around white people most of my young life.  I was never truly privy to the hate that people had towards people like me, it was never an issue.  Anybody who did have an issue never made it known to me.

    As an adult I am seeing everyday just how naive I was.  With the election my eyes have been opened even more so and it sucks.  I'm never one to judge someone based on superficial reasons.  I judge you according to how you act, not your gender, race, age, or anything else that doesn't necessarily make a person be this way or that.  I also know that there are plenty people in the world who are also this way, but it's pretty annoying to see these blogs.. such as "stuff black people don't like" where hatred is the common denominator.  People that are commenting are teachers. .. and that's scary! Not only teachers are commenting, I'm just saying....  I've never considered myself a cynical person, but being slapped in the face with such a reality is definitely cause to see things with more of a fine tooth comb.  With every skipped over opportunities and attitude given,  I not only have to look at myself and ask what did I do wrong, I also have to ask if it's possible that I just wasn't the preferred race.  I not only have to reexamine these things in regards to me but my children as well. 

  It's a hard truth to swallow knowing that no matter how intelligent, qualified, or experienced that I am or my children are. ... the only qualifications that will matter are our beautiful skin tone and preconceived notions that go along with it. People ask me why do I look at things like that blog. ...I tell them that I have to be informed about things going on around me, not so much for me but for my children. .. it would be irresponsible for me not to be aware of these things.  I don't go searching for these hateful things, but with the increase of technology and social media. .. It gives everyone the opportunity to show their ass, figuratively and literally lol.  It's hard being the best person you can be but denied common decency because of ignorance.  There have been many occasions where I have dealt with people and it was obvious that they felt they were entitled to being treated better than I was when they didn't even know me.  I often wonder where does this feeling of entitlement come from? Why do people feel that they are the exception to the rules because they are them?  Why do they feel that I am not worthy because they are them? And why do they feel that they should not be called on it? How can you get mad at someone for calling you out on your actions? You mean you're mad because I'm mad that you're out of line. ..you're mad that I'm mad with you????

   Do I think racism will ever go away? Not likely, hate begets hate and very rarely does it beget courage to overcome it.  The best I can do is educate mine and try to spread that knowledge and be as aware as possible.  To the people on that blog and blogs and mindsets alike I say. .. God bless you all.

D W B

   I recently upgraded my old Honda civic to a brand spanking new Dodge Durango.  I have driven this truck to and from work everyday since then as well as other places, but I had an experience that I had only heard about or witnessed from the sidelines up until then.  On one particularly non special morning I was driving to work.  It was very early in the morning, before seven.

    I drove the same route I always drive in the same hurried fashion that I keep trying to break myself of, all while talking to my fiancé on my cool new car blue tooth function.  Driving down the road going 5, possibly 10 miles over the speed limit (not sure because I always get the speed limit wrong by like 5 miles on that road since it's usually a caravan of people driving in a giant cluster).  On this particular morning I happened to be pretty much alone going down the street when I could see the light turning yellow.  I started slowing down and as I got closer to the light I noticed a cop car to the right, kinda hiding behind some large trees.  By the time I was able to see him I was going pretty slow in order to stop at the light.  I passed him and I stopped very shortly afterwards at the light.  After a few moments he pulled out behind me.

   I didn't think anything of it, but then the light turned green and his lights started flashing!  I couldn't believe I was getting pulled over!  I knew I hadn't done anything wrong so I waited for him to walk up to my window with my fiancé patiently waiting as well on the bluetooth.  The officer reached my window and the first question out of his mouth was: "is this your car?"  It was such an unexpected question that I actually had to think about it for a second.  I told him yes of course this is my car!  After a bit of back and forth about what speed I was going (he didn't even know the speed limit either), I eventually have him the information he requested.  I watched him take my paperwork and license to the back of my car and join 2 other cops who were suddenly back there.

   As my fiancé and I began talking about what happened I kept my eyes on the gaggle of hens in my rearview mirror.  We discussed how ridiculous it was for him to ask me that and I began getting extremely irritated as the reality of the situation began to sink in.  My irritation grew to anger as I watched the 3 cluckers stand behind me laughing and talking while wasting my time in the process.  With my anger came assumptions as to what was so funny to the 3 white officers who obviously racial profiled me and were now probably making racist jokes at my expense.  The cop finally came back, handed me my information and told me snottily to watch my speed and something else I think,  I was still preoccupied by what had just happened.  My fiancé says I should have gotten his badge number but I explained that I was in too much shock to even think of that.

    That experience was a first for me as far as directly in my face type of racism that I noticed. I've heard stories about people being racially profiled,  but never actually had it happen until then.  It was a reality check of epic proportions about the underlined feelings that are still prevalent today.  I know the situation could have been worse and I thank God it wasn't,  but I will never forget the events of that day. It reminds me of that song by Kanye West, All Falls Down: "Even if you're in a Benz, you're still a nigger in a coupe."
 

My fiancee says the craziest things...

    One day my fiancee and I were leaving a discount store and when we got to the corner, there was a homeless couple. The man was holding the sign and the woman was sitting down. My finance looked at me and said, look where we're at! We're not at some high end store,we're leaving the poor people store. Why do homeless people beg from poor people?  We're barely a step above them, that doesn't even make sense!

   Personally I thought this to be hilarious, true and hilarious.  Don't get me wrong, my fiancee, although brutally honest and sometimes extremely mean, he would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it.  It does make me wonder though, you never truly know the backstory of what people went through or are going through. It's hard out for everybody, living paycheck to paycheck, struggling to pay bills and still trying to come up in life.  So of course it's hard to see people who are worse off. I couldn't imagine not having anybody in this world to help me out when I need it.

   It's an annoying internal debate to want to help every lost soul in the world you encounter, but know that you can't because you have to provide for your own first. For me, I think the worst thing we can do as parents is not be the strength our children need so I absolutely hate to see people panhandling with their kids in tow. One time I was coming out of a store at like 11 pm on a Tuesday night and this woman approached me with her obviously embarrassed daughter pulling up the rear. The woman was telling me how they had no food to eat, no diapers for her baby, etc etc. I kept glancing at her daughter who was probably no more than 9 or 10 and you could tell she was mortified. I didn't get the impression that she was sad because of what her mother was saying, I got the feeling that she was desperately trying to telepathically teleport herself far, far away. The mother was acting in a manner such as that of an addict, grinding her teeth and not able to stand still, so I could only imagine the real reason for the begging.

  At the end of the day though I'll never know what was really going on or how that poor child was actually feeling. I didn't have any change so I couldn't help her, but I imagine that someone that hard up should be asking for food and not money. I couldn't imagine putting my children through that, being that type of influence for them. I understand that children loosen the heart strings, but come on now.....    But alas that is only my opinion looking in from the outside. But when I was down and out, which I have been a couple times, the thought of putting that burden on my children never entered my head....

Best Thing E.V.E.R

   I totally just had a HUGE "Go Me" attack while getting ready for work.  It's always so easy for me to get down on myself for this or that and just go nutzo for, no reason, on myself at the most random times.  This morning though I had a complete 180 of that!  I was getting ready for work and thinking about all of the projects I am trying to get going like, my foundation, PTA, write a book, school, blah blah blah.  I was thinking about my book, and I just started thinking about how incredibly good it will be, especially if I am able to put it on screen or something.  I am so excited to get this book done!  It is something that needs to be out there, it is long overdue.  That is all, I just wanted to share that with everyone, Try to have a giant "Go Me" today!  It's really fun! :D

People today...

   I took my car to the dealership to see about getting a part I needed for my car and the guy told me I would need to wait while they looked it over to assess the supposed "damage", pfft!  Anyway, I went to go look for a seat outside as I figured the wait shouldn't be too long and there was an older woman sitting there already. I got a phone call as I approached her and the bench and asked her if I could sit down, she obliged.  I sat down next to the older woman and got into my phone conversation, making sure not to be that obnoxious loud, ridiculous person on a cellphone.  I was on my phone, telling my friend about me and my daughter watching RuPaul's Drag Race and blah blah blah.  I noticed that the woman next to me gave me a "look".  I looked over at her and she rolled her eyes at me... I asked her if there was something I could do for her.  She asked me how old my daughter was, I told her 6, she told me that I should be a more responsible parent.  It was at this point that I told my caller I would have to call them back.  It took all the strength in the world for me to not flip out on this woman, instead I thought rationally and decided to see where this was going.

   I took a deep breath and asked the woman to continue.  She explained to me that "good, normal" men do not walk around in women's clothing, especially on TV and good parents do not allow their children to watch such nonsense.  It's bad enough that I, myself, would buy into such disgusting behavior, but to allow my child to do so as well at such a young age, is just dangerous.  As politely as I could, I went in on this older woman.  I explained to her that unfortunately, I do not know any "good, normal" men, and neither would I want to.  I do not want to expose my daughter to "good, normal" men either.  I am raising my children not to be like people such as her, I teach my children that there is nothing wrong with just being you.  I teach my children not to judge other people for who they are.  I also remind my children that it wasn't so long ago that our ancestors were discriminated against as well for something they could not control, and still happens to this day.  I asked her why she thought that men who did drag were disgusting?  She of course told me it wasn't Christian-like.  I simply looked at her and sighed.  I asked her about the part of the Bible where it says to love everyone as Jesus has loved us?  I asked her if she had done some things in her life that weren't exactly "Christian-like",  I asked her how horrible would it be if everyone were to go through life ganging up on people only because of what they see, never to actually know people as people but as broad unjustified generalizations...  I told her it has happened before, happens today in fact, every single day.  I asked her what if people were to judge her without ever knowing her.  She stared at me blankly through all of my questions and was still just staring at me, trying to find the words when the guy came up to me and told me that they were ready.

   I got up and the woman watched me as I stood up, still contemplating what she should say, and I turned to her, told her my name and that it was nice to talk to her.  I left her with: I didn't assume that you were racist because you were white.  You shouldn't assume that men who dress up as women are anything less than people who deserve common courtesy just like you and everybody else.  Nobody wants to be written off because of who we are, just think about that, please.  Have a great day.

    People ask me if I am obsessed with gay people or drag queens.  I wouldn't call it obsessed, I just enjoy and admire people who are true to themselves, it's just a bonus if they're fabulous! :D  I am an admirer of people who are different, people who are fun, (this list can go on and on), and I live for the opportunity to stand up for what's right and have an intelligent conversation.

It's For Your Benefit, Really.....

So a friend and I were having a conversation about watching slavery movies with white people, if I would watch one with her.  I hadda stop and think about this for a moment..... The conclusion I came to was that is not a situation I would want to be in.  I don't think that would be comfortable AT ALL.  I am ashamed to admit that I am just now catching up on the movies that show how my ancestors have been treated throughout history, like Rosewood, Ghosts of Mississippi, Malcolm X, and such.  I still have yet to see Roots and Amistad.  I never wanted to watch these movies in the past because I knew how horrible, saddening, and depressing they would be. 

  It's a hard pill to swallow to think that years ago, my ancestors were lynched, beaten, burned, raped,  tortured and other horrible acts... simply because people of a different skin color deemed them less than human because of the difference of that skin color.  My ancestors were not judged by their acts, but by the color of their skin.  They were treated worse than animals... human beings thought less of than dogs, simply because their skin was different.  The beautiful, NATURAL, brown skin they were born with elicited hate so strong that they were killed for it.  That just amazes, bewilders, angers, saddens, and angers me so much.  Yes I said anger twice because it is upsetting to an unknown degree. 

  Granted I do not hold anyone accountable for mistakes of the past, I do not hate white people for what was done back then, nor do I expect them to apologize or attempt to make amends for it.  This does not mean that feelings of anger do not come full force while watching such emotional movies, though.  In an attempt to be honest with myself as well as others, I personally do not think I would feel comfortable in that type of setting.  I would also not be comfortable watching Schindler's list with white people either or going to a Paul Mooney show with them.  There are just certain situations that can and should be avoided in my opinion.  This also avoids the possibility of the wrong thing being said or taken wrong during these situations.

  Of course I know someone is going to say that we should be able to be comfortable in any situation no matter what the color of our skin is collectively, but I'm just being honest as a human being and even I am not perfect.  What do you think?

Help a Sista Out! :D

    Hello beautiful people!!! In my everyday quest to make the world a better place, I have signed up for a Junior Achievement Bowl-A-Thon!! Please help me out and make donations here --> donate, Donate, DONATE!! The page also explains the benefits of your donation! ^.^ Thanks in advance!

Tipping is not just a city in China...

  This morning I'm with my fiancee at the Dr.'s office and in the waiting room was Rachael Ray on the television.  After hearing a story that Rachael Ray does not tip when she goes out to eat, I decided I did not like her.  Granted that story could be wrong, out of context, or what have you, I refuse to condone that type of ridiculousness if it's true.  It's even worse if it's true being that she's a professional cook.  For the life of me I cannot understand people's reluctance to tipping.  Servers have to put up with so much, and the balance of pay to services is not equal. 

 

  Think about when you go out to eat at a normal casual seating restaurant.  There's usually a hostess to seat you, a server to take your order, a bartender to make any alcoholic drinks, sometimes a food runner to bring you your food if it's busy, cooks to cook your food, and a busboy to clean your table.  Just about all of these people get paid less than 4 dollars an hour.  It is extremely rare that any of them will ever get a raise.  Regardless of whether or not you think they should get another job if they are not being paid enough, somebody is going to be that server who serves you.  Everybody enjoys getting out of the house and being waited on and for many reasons.  When you go out to eat, all you have to do is drive to the restaurant, pick out your food, enjoy yourself and then pay for the luxury of doing pretty much nothing.  What comes to mind when I think about people not tipping is: Put yourself in their shoes. 

  Servers do more than just take your order.  Servers have to be each table's any and everything, all while depending on other people to make your time enjoyable.  Servers must be approachable, friendly, kid savvy, good listeners, compassionate, quick, attentive, and take responsibility for everything that goes into your visit; and they must do this with multiple tables at the same time.  For the most part when people go out to eat, their point of contact is the server and the burden for everything is placed upon that one person.  Customer compassion goes out the window when people are hungry and expectant.  Customers don't care if you have 2 tables or 6 tables, if it's slow or a dinner rush, if the kitchen is short staffed or the bartender is busy schmoozing, customers don't realize these things, nor do most of them care. 

   Most servers work their asses off to make sure that you're experience out is amazing, probably not because they're too concerned about you, persay, but because they know that their livelihood depends on how generous you feel at the end of the meal-which servers equate to how happy you are.  Do you ever stop to think how much fun it isn't to be nice and cheerful to people over and over again for hours on end?  Having to be nice to people whose attitudes range from very nice and appreciative to extremely rude and condescending as if you owe them something?  Having to suck it up everytime you give a table 150% and know that they enjoyed themselves greatly, only to have them leave you a 2 dollar tip on a 50 dollar bill after they ran you all night long?  Mechanics charge people much more than servers expect and servers don't have the luxury of just telling you that you need other items to raise your bill and their tip or the luxury of working at their own pace with whatever attitude they want, yet I don't see anyone refusing to pay for labor or leaving snide remarks about the labor they are being charged to pay.

  If you don't have the common sense, common decency, or common knowledge to know that eating out is a luxury and it is made possible by other people expecting to be compensated for it, then simply do not go out to eat.  It is truly that simple.  If you don't care what servers, bartenders, busboys, and hostesses make, then simply do not go to establishments that employee them.  It's one thing to want to be supported and acknowledged for the job you do, it's another when you depend on it.

I am me and me is not perfect

   I am a certified people watcher, absolutely love to just watch people as they truly blow my mind for one reason or another.  Admitting that I am a people watcher, I must also admit that I am a certified card carrying member of the s#!+ talkers platinum society.  I realize that in my quest to be enlightened and enlighten others (especially females), that this behavior is contradictory.  I am constantly conflicted with trying to be above the norm and being my normal jokey self. 

  Do not mistake my being not only a member, but also the president of the s#!+ talkers platinum society as me being a bully in any way shape or form.  My s#!+ talking stems from observing people in their everyday ridiculousness.  I don't go out of my way to belittle or put people down, I simply comment on what is.  I don't walk up to random strangers and start tearing them apart, my observations are usually in my head or said to the person/people I'm with or talking to at the time. 

  While I do point out the ridiculousness that is many people walking around looking foolish, I also point out those who are the exact opposite as well as point out those exceptions to their face, as anyone who is on point should definitely be told they are doing a good job.  Some people may say this is talking behind people's backs....  I do not see it as this.  First off how can I talk behind someone's back who I do not know?  Second off if I know you and you fall into the category of ridiculousness, then I will most definitely make you aware of my opinion.  On the other hand, I would expect my friends to do the same, you can't call yourself a friend if you let me walk around looking crazy, sometimes we need an extra set of eyes to see what we don't or can't.

   I decided to write about this topic because I saw a meme that said something to the affect of-  if you know someone who is always talking about other people to you, then they're probably talking to other people about you.  The first thing I think is I'm truly stick of all these pseudo intellectual semi intellectual generalized classifications of every given situation.  The second thing I think is... stfu.  Lol...

   I've always said that it's human nature to make opinions of people at first glance, what's important is if you let those opinions influence your actual opinion of that person once and if you meet them....  what do you think? 

P.s
Hope you enjoy the graphic I made on my new note 2  ^.^

Somebody agree please!

Ok I just have to know, am I the only person obsessed with having to know what happens after we die?  Is that seriously morbid?  Should that thought, those thoughts not bother me and take as much time out of my life as it does?  I mean, think about it though, can you imagine not existing?  Just not being anymore??  What a crazy thought....  maybe it is just me....