Somebody agree please!

Ok I just have to know, am I the only person obsessed with having to know what happens after we die?  Is that seriously morbid?  Should that thought, those thoughts not bother me and take as much time out of my life as it does?  I mean, think about it though, can you imagine not existing?  Just not being anymore??  What a crazy thought....  maybe it is just me....

FacePalm

  Well the inauguration was a couple of days ago and I thought it was just absolutely wonderful.  Everyone there just seemed genuinely happy and thankful to be there.  It was truly a moving speech that will forever be remembered.  It is a brilliantly awesome thing to have the President of the United States stand up for everybody, including women and LGBT in public form as he did.  There were a lot of unhappy people who were positively disgusted by the idea of this celebration happening, and that makes me sad to a point.  It's pretty amazing how people's true colors will show through when they feel threatened or get upset enough.

  First there was the "outrage" about the President's speech for the memorial of the Sandy Hook victims - *enter racist remarks here* - then during the inauguration erupted yet again - *enter death wishes here*.  Is it because of the overwhelming abundance of social media that has given people the power of anonymous courage?  Or is it just because of our new President, fueled by mob mentality, racism, and misinformation?  Whatever the reason, the trend is becoming frighteningly  more and more popular.

  Honestly it's scary. It's scary, sad, heartbreaking, unnerving, mind-boggling, etc., etc.....  I worry for my daughter and son for the world that they are being born into.  I fear that racism, prejudice, and hate are not going away as once thought, but at this point being spoon-fed to those most susceptible and then being taught to their children with the cycle continuing over and over.  People are advertising that they are starting communes to keep the rest of the country out of their lives? (WTF?)  It almost feels that with every step forward (electing a mixed President), we take 5 steps back (school shootings in abundance, people spouting assassinating the President is a good idea,etc...).  In the words of Susan Powter.....STOP THE MADNESS!!!  Let's get it together...together!

What's up with you?

  Soooo... just in case some of you incredible people weren't aware, I'd love to chat it up with you, hear your opinions and such, reach out to me on FB or Twitter:

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@MYTOAPF


P.S.

Y'all have made my day once again!! I'm over 2000 views!! EEEEEEKKKKKK!!! :D

Django....part deux

  Sooooo I watched Django a few days ago and I gotta say, I liked it.  I can truly appreciate the story of a black slave being a hero.  Rising up from the ranks of being perceived as lower than a dog, getting educated, given a job, and being so in love that he's willing to risk his own life to save his wife.  After reading the reviews, and maybe I took them too literally, but I was really expecting NIGGER to be pretty much every other word.  But I refused to go into the movie with negative feelings about it, (not really me to judge something based on hearsay, anyway), and I watched the movie as I would watch any movie....as if it were a movie.  I enjoyed Christoph Waltz's character and loved that it was so different, unexpected and refreshing.  So he had me liking the movie right from the start, I got a kick out of how dramatic Jamie Foxx's Django was.  Knowing that this was a Quentin Tarantino film, I expected the movie to have the dramatic flair, over the top gun battles, etc, etc....  By the end of the movie I kept wondering about the "excessive use of NIGGER" that I kept hearing about.  I must be the only one I know who didn't think that this was the case.  I can honestly say that I did not pick up on it.  Perhaps I am desensitized?  Or perhaps I just don't care?  Or perhaps it just doesn't matter to me, especially since the movie is about slavery.  I wouldn't really expect anyone in the film to be referring to Django as sir or gentleman.  When I think about it, I can remember the women in "The Help" being called NIGRA more than all the NIGGERS being mentioned in Django.  

  Call me blind, call me oblivious, but I just can't find fault in a film where a black slave is a hero!  The word NIGGER holds only as much weight as people give it.  Do I think it is ok for people to go around calling black people NIGGER or NEGRO? No.  Have I been called a NIGGER? Yes.  Was it shocking and uncalled for?  Of course.  In the grand scheme of things...does it really matter how many times the word is said...in...a movie?  Not really.  At the end of the day, all the buzz centered around this whole NIGGER debacle has just increased sales for the movie,  because that's how the entertainment industry works.  You don't get ahead by playing it safe or catering to the sensitive crowd, you make strides by making waves.  It just seems that sometimes people try so hard to find fault in something that they refuse to see the point, which can be good.  How many black heros do we have in the movies?  Not many.  I'm not a movie critic and I never could be or would want to be, because you have to be critical and I could never spend all my time constantly wanting or having to be critical of everything I watch all the time.  

  I suppose I just choose my battles with a little more caution.  The movie was good, I enjoyed all of it, perhaps we should stop putting so much stock in words and concentrate on actual actions, actions by real live people, in real life, and stop worrying so much about things like movies that aren't real, just a thought.  Put all that energy into things that really matter.

Have You Ever....

  Have you ever looked at someone and their life and thought:  WTF is wrong with you?  Why are you making so many bad choices?  Why are you putting yourself though so much for nothing?  How could you be doing the things you're doing wearing the clothes you're wearing, hanging out with the people you're hanging out with?  Or how about this, has someone ever come to you with a problem they're having and you're response is:  I'd never do something like that, I'd never put myself in that situation, I'd never make that choice and you shouldn't do that either....

  At the end of the day, if you really think about it, can you actually say those things?  Can you actually look back at your life and say you've never put yourself in undesirable situations, made stupid choices hung out with the wrong people, let yourself be influenced in the wrong direction, worn questionable clothing, etc. Etc....?  I think about the countless times people have come to me asking for advice and I give them impeccable words of wisdom, but I realize that I am a serious case of not practicing what I preach.  How irritating it is be able to see things so clearly in regards to other people, yet be so blind when it comes to myself... well blind and stubborn I suppose..

Story of a Not-So-ABW

  It has come to my attention that most of my blog posts may come off a bit "angry", I was jokingly called an ABW - Angry Black Woman, which is the farthest thing from the truth.  I am actually more of a pretty hysterical (in my opinion), strong willed, goofy, sometimes ditzy, laid back kinda chick.  To prove how much I am NOT an ABW, I am going to share a story with you.  Let's call it: The tale of the oblivious:

  When my first born son was around 1 years old, I used to work at a convenience store overnight by myself.  I didn't mind, I was very used to being up all night anyway, plus I got to work by myself and that meant no other people to get on my nerves or in my way.  This one morning towards the end of my shift, I was dealing with my usual morning rush of customers.  Everything was going pretty smoothly, I was joking around with the customers, blah blah blah, when while I had a line of people at the register, this young man rode up shirtless on his bike.  Like all convenience stores, they have certain rules about charging for cups for water, the water is free, but the cup is not.  Well, the gentleman came in, upper torso fully tatted, and asked for a cup of water.  I explained to him, while still checking out customers, that he would have to pay for the cup.  I never thought about it, but the customers kept staring at him and were moving very slowly.  The gentleman did not take my news about paying 50 cents for the paper cut, lightly.
   He made it vocally known that he did not care for this policy of paying for a cup and went into a tirade of yelling and screaming at me about this policy.  I was watching him, but I wasn't really listening, but he was going off!  Luckily he was walking out of the store as he was performing his show.  Once he got outside, he continued he tantrum of cursing and yelling and giving me the finger as he got his bike and walked it back to the street slowly and continued his journey. While we all stood in the store kind of chuckling about the events that had transpired, the current customer I was ringing up looked at me with a strange look in his eye and asked me if I was worried?  I scoffed a bit and asked why would I be worried?  He then asked me if I had seen the swastika and white pride tattoos he had all over his body.  :O  WHAT?! I looked out the window to see if I could still see the disgruntled bike man and sure enough he was still trekkin down the street...slowly....looking back at me..
  It was then that I realized that maybe working by myself everyday isn't the best thing in the world anymore, lol.  At this point all of the customers were looking at me, a bit concerned, I guess waiting to see if I would kick them all out, lock the doors, call the cops, and resort to the fetal position in the corner.  I did what any other sane person would do I suppose... I just laughed nervously with my eyes darting back and forth from the door to the register and make silly jokes like, well I hope he isn't riding his bike to his White Pride hangout to get his buddies or worse to get 50 cents..ha ha ha..  Thankfully the guy never came back, but I did watch the door for the rest of my shift and constantly looked over my shoulder as I walked home.

  Well....now that I've told that story, I have no idea how that proves I'm not an ABW, but it helps to know that I did not snap my fingers, roll my neck or my eyes during that whole situation!  I didn't get angry at all during that entire time just more confused and amused (at first) than anything.

Ouch...

  Today was an extremely rough day for me.  I have chronic daily migraines and some of that is attributed to a condition called pseudotumor cerebri and the rest is attributed to who knows what.  Pseudotumor cerebri basically means that the fluid that circulates around most people's skulls, kinda just collects at the base of my brainstem and that then creates pressure and pain.  The way for this pressure to be relieved is by having a spinal tap, where they take a long needle and insert it into my back to relieve the pressure that has built up by removing the excess fluid (extremely painful).  After the procedure I am then required to lay on my back as still as possible for about 4 hours or so to attempt avoiding a headache.  If a headache should occur then another procedure may be necessary called a blood patch.  This is basically the same thing from the viewpoint of the patient, but the pressure that is created has a tendency to be much more intense.  The doctors take your blood and attempt to basically fill in some of the fluid that was removed.

  The condition that I have is managed by water pills that I take every single day morning, afternoon, and night.  The water pills are used to regulate my fluid so that a lumbar puncture is less likely to be needed.  The pressure from my condition can also cause vision problems as the pressure can build up behind one's eyes, so that has to be checked from time to time.  The worst part about having chronic migraines is that it is truly chronic and daily.  I have a migraine about 4-5 days out of each week, each ranging in severity.  Thankfully I am working at a job where I have great insurance and I pretty much live at the doctor so I have been able to try as many different solutions as possible and I have tried EVERYTHING.  Everything including locking myself in a dark room, taking excessive amounts of OTC medicine which is not healthy, bouncing from doctor to neurologist to doctor to specialist..  Life is hard with daily migraines, having head pain is serious and not fun, especially with a daily job, fiancee, children, and other responsibilities.  Sympathy is never the intended goal when telling someone about my migraines, because I know I'll live and get over it.

  I'm sharing this with you because headaches do not affect a small percentage of people, they affect many, many people and are serious.  I want others to know that you are not alone.  While it's possible to keep on truckin and do the day to day with a migraine, sometimes it is so bad that that's not an option.  Sometimes migraines are so debilitating that it's hard to function.  I have been dealing with my migraines for 10 plus years now and have talked to many different doctors and neurologists, tried many different treatment options and sometimes it's rough to go down this road alone.  People who have never actually had a migraine can sympathize and empathize, but they will never truly know the pain migraine sufferers go through.  I created a Facebook page for fellow migraine sufferers, Go Here , to hopefully open the door for other people who suffer what I suffer from and to offer a platform for other people to sound off and give treatment suggestions.  The most important thing to me with my migraines is to always smile through the pain, I will never allow the pain I'm going through to cause people to think I'm weak or incapable.  The pain I'm in may bring me to tears, but those tears can be wiped away and I'll still be there just as strong as ever ready for whatever life has for me and vice versa, just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm not in pain.

Do As I Say....Or Vice Versa?

  I got into a discussion at work awhile ago regarding the influences we play and should play in our children's lives.  Me, personally, am old school.  I tend to lean more towards the parenting ways of my mother and hers before, etc.. That includes Do as I say, not as I do.  The debate that started was that I was pretty much the only one with that viewpoint, just about everybody else was very much on the side of do as I do.  The reasons for this stance is very understandable, children will watch and want to imitate those that they are influenced the most by, so therefore it is the parent's job to set a good example in all that they do.  I was raised a bit differently, we were told to do as our parents and elders said, not what they do and this makes the most sense to me, here is why:

  Our jobs as parents is to lead and teach our children,give them the tools to succeed, teach them to be leaders and do good in life.  Our jobs as parents are to be the adults while they are the children, it is not ok to let our children curse, be subjected to violence or feel threatened.  It is not ok to allow our children to disrespect us or other people or do as they please whenever they want.  It is our job as parents to be adults and let them be children, to establish that we as parents make the rules and children are to follow them accordingly.  It is our job as parents to draw the line for our children and make sure that they know and understand that line.  Being the parent, I will not allow my child to curse because they happen to hear me curse.  I will not tolerate my child telling me that I am invading their space or infringing on their privacy, because they are children and they don't need privacy, as the parent I need to know what is going on.

  As a parent I feel that it is my job to do what is best for the children I gave birth to, because that is the responsibility I took on when I got pregnant and I take that job extremely personal.  I don't care if my children hate me, that is none of my concern.  What is my concern is making sure that they are safe, healthy, educated, and prepared for the world around them.  I don't expect my child to tell me that they did something and it should be ok, because I did it when I was young.  You did it so I should be able to do it does not fly in the real world and it will definitely not fly in my household.  Have your own mind, be your own person, and take the knowledge and tools I am providing you to make that happen.  Am I a hypocrite?  When it comes to raising a child....basically anyone else's opinion is null and void?  What do you think?

Woo-Hoo!

So Excited!!! Y'all are awesome!!! ♥ Thank you, thank you, thank youuuuu!!!!♥

You're SO right, but not really...

  I'm back and rip rarin to go!  The below picture is a picture I have seen floating around FB for a couple days now and it is infuriating!  I have been seeing and hearing so much about how the President has ruined people's lives and blah blah blah.  Mind you this is mostly online...from people's facebook pages...  What I don't understand is if you're so bad off as you claim, how are you able to be online?  When I was doing bad, I didn't have a computer, let alone internet service and if I needed to use the computer so bad then I wouldn't go to the library to rant and rave on FB..(I'd use it to look for a job).  But I digress, this picture is just ridiculous for so many reasons..  First of all, eating out in itself is a luxury, people are going through hard times don't go out to eat, it's very costly to do so.

  When you go out to eat there is some give and take that should happen, you sit, enjoy your meal and drinks, and other people take care of everything else for you.  The people who take care of everything for you, don't work for free (close to it) but not for free.  Servers make less than 5 dollars an hour which means they rely on the patrons tips for their services to make ends meet.  Depending on where you go, those tips are sometimes split between the other people that take care of everything for you including, but not limited to the hostesses, bussers, and bartenders.  If you go out to eat and then claim that you don't have enough to tip, then you shouldn't go out to eat.  If you go out to eat and then claim that you REFUSE to tip due to some ridiculous cop-out in order to make a point, then you are an ASS.  You're contradicting yourself at every turn!  You would rather use the money you could use to tip your server to make stupid cards?  You claim you've been robbed by the President so you're going to essentially do to someone else what you claim is being done to you?!  How dare people be so self-righteous?  How dare you claim to be a victim when everything you have done up to this point has shown the exact opposite?  I served in restaurants for over 10 years and if somebody left this card on my table, then I would lose my job that night due to the choice words I would have for said patron.  Then to say you wish it didn't have to be this way...for BOTH OF US?!

Through the pain....

  Happy New Year!!! again, lol.  I have a forceful migraine that is pushing me almost toward tears, but a goal I have made for myself is to do my best to push through things that are a constant.  I've had migraines for years, it's time to stop letting them wear me down, so I will blog through the pain.  Woo!  Enough of my personal cheerleading, the reason I decided to blog today is because I saw a graphic today, (pictured below), that is something I have said for years.  Why is it that my black community does not see this to be true?  Why is it that this reality does not blow their minds as it does mine?  Why are we so self destructive and blind to it at the same time?  It boggles my mind to see some people get so upset about what other people are doing but refuse to see the giant problem right in our face?  I saw something at the doctor's office today that was so disheartening and embarrassing at the same time.  3 young children dropped off at the doctor's office to fend for themselves, the oldest being no more than 13.  When the nurse was trying to get the information from the children, they just sat silent until about the 4th time of her mentioning it, when the oldest little girl, rudely told her that they cannot fill out the paperwork because they didn't know how, their mother wasn't there.  There are so many things wrong with that picture, that it just doesn't make sense.  The kids eventually ended up leaving, I have no idea where they went when they left the office.

  I wonder now if I should have done something, stepped in to make sure that they were not just going to be walking miles to home or something.  Then I think, what could I have done?  The little girl clearly had attitude for days, and most likely would not have allowed me to help them and would have pissed me off in the process with her attitude.  I just feel sorry for those kids, obviously pretty much raising themselves, I almost wonder if the little girl was the one who took the initiative to make the appointment to begin with.  I just want better for us as a whole, I want there to be more positiveness and less "woe is me, whatever" type attitude.   I want their to be a sense of pride throughout for every child.  I want the thought of killing your brother not to be an option.  I want the need to be "hard" to be less about being cold and more about being an actual man. I want others to have the wants that I have.

  How do we encourage a whole generation to be better adjusted, better educated, want to be prosperous?  It takes us all that's how, we just have to do better.  It can be done.  We can't get mad at how others perceive us if we clearly have no respect for ourselves.