Our jobs as parents is to lead and teach our children,give them the tools to succeed, teach them to be leaders and do good in life. Our jobs as parents are to be the adults while they are the children, it is not ok to let our children curse, be subjected to violence or feel threatened. It is not ok to allow our children to disrespect us or other people or do as they please whenever they want. It is our job as parents to be adults and let them be children, to establish that we as parents make the rules and children are to follow them accordingly. It is our job as parents to draw the line for our children and make sure that they know and understand that line. Being the parent, I will not allow my child to curse because they happen to hear me curse. I will not tolerate my child telling me that I am invading their space or infringing on their privacy, because they are children and they don't need privacy, as the parent I need to know what is going on.
As a parent I feel that it is my job to do what is best for the children I gave birth to, because that is the responsibility I took on when I got pregnant and I take that job extremely personal. I don't care if my children hate me, that is none of my concern. What is my concern is making sure that they are safe, healthy, educated, and prepared for the world around them. I don't expect my child to tell me that they did something and it should be ok, because I did it when I was young. You did it so I should be able to do it does not fly in the real world and it will definitely not fly in my household. Have your own mind, be your own person, and take the knowledge and tools I am providing you to make that happen. Am I a hypocrite? When it comes to raising a child....basically anyone else's opinion is null and void? What do you think?
The things you're describing are not so much a do as I say not as I do scenarios. You should set rules for your children n they are not going to be allowed to do every single thing we as adults are allowed to do like stay up late or enjoy a glass of wine etc. It is our jobs to teach n train them n check in on their activities. On the flip-side however children do mimic their role models..if you cuss or smoke or practice other bad habits they will do those things as well maybe not now as small children but sooner or later they will so we ,as parents, need to teach, train, as well as set a Godly example for our future generation.
ReplyDeleteI raise differently. In front of my child I try my darndest to lead by example. So there won't be any question or confusion coming from her if and when discipline is needed. My parents raised us in a very delusional unpredictive manner. Never knew what was wrong or right and what would set them off. I believe in structure. Sure my kid doesnt like to get messy but she knows how to have fun. She enjoys exercise, taking care of her body, and completing her homework everyday. As for privacy. I havent hit that bump in the road yet. When I do...I prefer the route of distant monitoring. Of course her actions, attitude, and choices will determine my route in the future. Being prepared for the world that she will endure from the age of 18-25 is my main focus. If she can make it past those struggles with a strong head on her shoulders then I will feel accomplished.
ReplyDeleteI agree with both of you, Bird you make a very good point about setting a Godly example. As much as I would love to be the Godly example in my child's life, I cannot set the bar that high for myself as I know I would drive myself insane trying to be someone completely different in front of my children and that in itself would be hypocritical to me. I feel that I can set an example by showing and engaging my children in as many good things as possible, and make sure to practice those good things as much as possible. I curse, I drink from time to time, and I smoke occassionaly. I don't smoke with the kids in the car, but they have seen me smoking and I make sure that they know how disgusting and horrible that it is. I have very open communication with my children, I do my best to explain everything as clearly as possible in a way that they understand, and I feel that I have accomplished this so far pretty well. My children have very strong personalities and I do my best to instill important values in that everyday, all the time. For people that can either change into a better, different person when they have kids, I can definitely appreciate that as well as admire it. But I am just not that person, I have to be me, I'm not the best parent, but I think I'm doing ok so far doing it this way.
ReplyDeleteFrom knowing you personally I've seen several Godly attributes in you n your parenting such as finding ways to help those less fortunate. No parent is perfect we just need to strive to be a good example to our children. As far as trying to be someone completely different God doesn't expect that from us...He expects us love Him, love others n to strive towards being the person He created us to be n use the unique gifts He gave to us to help others find their own way to Him as well as meeting the needs of each other.
DeleteVery well said, and thank you gorgeous!
DeleteWell, I have this friend....and I know slick tricks she pulled and how her parents did not approve.....blah blah, everyone rebells and doesnt listen. Sure I get it to a point. BUT THOSE DO AS I SAY NOT AS I DO SENARIOS....DRUNK AT SCHOOL, SNEEKING OUT TO PARTY...by all means hope our kids arent that damn retarted. However these are learning experiences which will happen no matter how hard we try to prevent them. I cuss like a sailor, yup my kid is going to use horrible language. Better from me than another kid that doesnt know the propper meaning. Better learn it from me, and know how inappropriate. How about being honest up front and lead by a great example, instead of being a turd. Yes be involved and care and a parent, my kid has a I will tell you twice rule...she is two, and gets it. Its about ground rules and standards. and yes your the H word. LOVE YA -J-
DeleteWell I think I can be upfront and honest without giving my children permission to do what I do. I am the adult and they are the children, that is my point, you don't do what I do because I am an adult and you are a child. My children won't be able to pull the "well you used to do it when you were my age" card, because they will not be privy to that information, because they are children, what I did in my past is a discussion saved for much later in life when they are adults. I don't blur the lines with my children, I don't want to be their friend, I don't need them to relate to me. They are going to make their own mistakes and that is fine, that is life, we'll learn from them together. And who was that friend in high school I wonder....and what H word am I? O.o lol
ReplyDeleteHot maybe? lol
Delete