Oh the horror. ...

    Recently an article from Sports Illustrated detailing an interview done with Jason Collins, who plays professional basketball, and about him coming out to the public as homosexual was posted on Tom Joyner's Facebook fan page. To say that the comments were disappointing, would be an understatement. I hate that the black community is not willing to progress. I hate that hate is the forefront of most opinions. Hate = fear + ignorance. So don't tell me it's an abomination or against God's will. How can you even use the same argument as the kkk with a straight face? It's disappointing and saddening to see that so many share such a hateful view of others. I consider myself to be a God fearing woman who loves Jesus and praises his name everyday, but I choose to go with the positive messages like love one another, judge not lest ye be judged and the lesser known mind your business. Don't quote me on that last one. Black people are so quick to quote Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr when it applies to race, but do they realize his messages included everybody. ... even the lgbt community? We gotta do better, growing is a good thing, let's all grow together and pass it onto our children. ..

A Day in the life of a sufferer...

       Wake up- another beautiful day... Oh wait not that beautiful. ..I have a migraine.  Sit up take 2 of 4 of my daily preventive pills and throw in a few advil to take the edge off of this jackhammer going off in my brain.  Into my child's room to wake them up for school, because I wake up much earlier than necessary to give them more time to stall getting ready. Take a shower, it's quite the task when you can't lean over because you know that will take this migraine from a 7 to a 20, but careful to also not turn too quickly or that way or this way for too long either. Survived the shower, now onto making sure the little one is getting ready. Oh good, she wants to fight about the time because she's tired. .. Ok no need to overreact because your head is exploding, try to be comforting so the situation doesn't get out of hand, I'm sure she won't notice you talking with your teeth bared.
      Getting on the road-Ok we're in the car, only 5 minutes behind, not bad, could be worse. Great, the school bus obviously doesn't see my huge SUV speeding down the road and that's why they chose to jump in front of me, cutting me off, and going 20 miles an hour. .. the same speed as the person next to them! Ok well at least I made it to the daycare to drop off my mini me, think it's time to pop some of the hard stuff. ...better make it two, hopefully that'll stop the tiny fairy from stabbing my skull. Oh yay traffic and more being cut off, well at least now I can add people nearly hitting me and going insanely slow and randomly braking because they're obviously texting. .. but who could they be texting at 730 in the morning I wonder?
     Starting the work day- Well I made it to work, 2 victories down. (The first one was dropping off my child, in case you forgot)  Thanks to traffic I still have 3 minutes to get inside. Thanks traffic! Ahhhh the lovely sounds of loud children, dogs barking, and insanely opinionated television sets in the background of all my calls, that medicine can kick in at anytime.... Oh this wasn't done right and this is the first time I've seen it and talked to you about it? Well, by all means, please feel free to scream and berate me for the issue. Well the medicine kicked in, but not enough to ease the pulsating drum behind me eyes, so I'm going to have to call it a day and go home.
    Back home- Another day not fully worked, how am I ever going to catch up with my bills? Staring at this computer screen trying to finish my homework feels like staring straight into a light bulb. Wow look at the time, and all I've accomplished is one sentence. I'll try again after I pick up my daughter.
      Bed time-I'm so excited to go to sleep, helping a 1st grader with homework should not be so difficult. Good thing she enjoys hot dogs so much, I'll try to cook tomorrow.  Guess I'll have to try to do my homework tomorrow as well.  I want to watch tv with my husband but it seems so loud and bright! Oh the volume is on 5? Well I'll just close my eyes and slowly turn over because this position is killing me and if I turn over too fast I'm likely to throw up because my head says so. But, before I close my eyes I'm just gonna take my other preventative meds and pop a couple more advil to try and quell the freightliner doing donuts in my brain.
       Good night.

  Luckily everyday is not like this, but unfortunately many are and some are even worse. Suffering from excessive migraines is extremely tough because it's very hard to find out why.  Everybody has triggers, but not everybody is blessed enough to know what those triggers are.

Now I understand....

  When I was younger I told my mother that I never wanted to have kids or even get married.... EVER!  I stood by that thinking for quite awhile into my 20s... and then came along my beautiful baby boy and all of my feelings changed regarding having children.. (still had to get my mind wrapped around getting married).  Now, 2 kids, a fiancee, and many years later I am starting to think that maybe I had that outlook because somehow I knew how scary this world was going to be.....  The biggest concerns I used to have about my children were being bullied, being clumsy enough to hurt themselves seriously, eating the right things, possibly being kidnapped or getting molested... While those things are still incredibly scary and constantly on my mind, I now have "other" issues that I must add to that list.  I now live in fear that with each phone call I am getting and not getting could mean my children might be facing some crazy person with a gun or a bomb threat at their school.  Watching the news is horrifying and almost at this point it's sad that the headline "gunman... blah blah blah" is pretty much "the norm".  It's amazing that this world that can be such a beautiful and magnificent place can also be so terrifyingly scary to the point of thinking about it all brings one to tears.  I am scared of the world my children are growing up in.  My heart goes out to Baltimore this evening, such a tragedy that shouldn't have happened......

Parent Win.....then.....Parent Fail...

  Yesterday I had a couple different experiences with people.  The first experience was positive, made my heart smile.  While at the pizza shop, I walked up to the counter to place my order and when I was done, I turned to go sit down and wait.  There were 3 chairs that lined that wall in the tiny building and 2 of those were taken by a woman and her son.  I told my mini me to sit in the remaining chair and I stood by the wall.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw the woman talking and motioning to her son and then he stood up.  The woman moved to the farthest seat away and told me to have a seat.  I was astonished, as you don't see that very often nowadays.  There have been many numerous times when I have had to stand while grown men would sit and not offer their seat.  I told the mother and son thank you and she told me she was trying to teach him young.  I happily exclaimed that I was doing the same with my son, making sure he holds the door for people and such as well.  We laughed a bit and I told him that it would pay off in the end!  When they were leaving I made sure to tell her that she was a good mother.  That encounter completely made my day and restored a bit of faith in humanity for me...... that is until I went to the movies later that night......


   My fiancee and I went to go see Evil Dead, I was very excited because I loved the first one so much, even though I had heard it wouldn't be campy at all, I had to see it, just to see it.  We got to the theater, bought our tickets and started to head in.  My fiancee had to use the bathroom, so I went into the theater, which was right next to the bathroom.  There was a man standing in front of the doors who asked to see my ticket..I thought that was odd, but showed him anyway and he said he'd remember my man for when he finished doing his business and I went in to get a seat.  We always sit in the very back at the top, because we don't like people behind us.  As I was approaching the top row, I noticed the first 2 people sitting at the very end of the row at the top of the stairs was an older woman and a little boy, probably around the age of 8, maybe 9.  I couldn't believe that this child was in here for this movie, let alone being brought by his mother!  Maybe it was his aunt, grandmother, whoever she was, she was old enough to know better.  I stepped past them with an "excuse me" and sat a few seats away.  When I looked to my right after sitting down, I noticed the 2 people sitting closest to me were 2 young little girls, I'm sorry, 2 young TALKATIVE little girls.  They couldn't have been more than 13, maybe 12.  I thought my mind was going to explode at the obvious disregard for these children.  I'm not the best parent in the world and I consider myself to be pretty lax about most things, but come on!  After sitting next to the 2 most annoying out of place children in the world, I decided I had had enough and instead of unleashing on them like I wanted to, I simply chose to move away to new seats. (Very proud of myself for that)  Not only were these little girls in a movie totally inappropriate for their age group, but they clearly had no respect for other people with all of the noise they were making.


   After the movie, a family of 3 passed by us going down the aisle, the mother, father, and their 6 year old son.  I don't understand this phenomenon.  Why is it ok to take young children to such graphic movies?  What are these parents achieving by allowing this?  Am I the one who is crazy to think that this is not ok?  Who knows, maybe it is just me.  Maybe it is just me who thinks that subjecting such young and impressionable minds to such gore is not the appropriate thing to do.  Maybe it's just me who thinks that we should be surrounding children with positive images and educational aspects of life and show them the benefits of being kind, gracious, and things alike.  While I'm all about giving kids the reality of life, I don't find anything from Evil Dead to be any kind of reality.

What do you think?

This is life. .. for some. ..

Everyday I wake up, I know who I am. .I am a black woman living in America.  This concept seems simple enough to me and not a big deal.  I go to work, deal with my issues, take care of my bills and my family. .. normal things?  I grew up extremely naive of the world as a military brat around white people most of my young life.  I was never truly privy to the hate that people had towards people like me, it was never an issue.  Anybody who did have an issue never made it known to me.

    As an adult I am seeing everyday just how naive I was.  With the election my eyes have been opened even more so and it sucks.  I'm never one to judge someone based on superficial reasons.  I judge you according to how you act, not your gender, race, age, or anything else that doesn't necessarily make a person be this way or that.  I also know that there are plenty people in the world who are also this way, but it's pretty annoying to see these blogs.. such as "stuff black people don't like" where hatred is the common denominator.  People that are commenting are teachers. .. and that's scary! Not only teachers are commenting, I'm just saying....  I've never considered myself a cynical person, but being slapped in the face with such a reality is definitely cause to see things with more of a fine tooth comb.  With every skipped over opportunities and attitude given,  I not only have to look at myself and ask what did I do wrong, I also have to ask if it's possible that I just wasn't the preferred race.  I not only have to reexamine these things in regards to me but my children as well. 

  It's a hard truth to swallow knowing that no matter how intelligent, qualified, or experienced that I am or my children are. ... the only qualifications that will matter are our beautiful skin tone and preconceived notions that go along with it. People ask me why do I look at things like that blog. ...I tell them that I have to be informed about things going on around me, not so much for me but for my children. .. it would be irresponsible for me not to be aware of these things.  I don't go searching for these hateful things, but with the increase of technology and social media. .. It gives everyone the opportunity to show their ass, figuratively and literally lol.  It's hard being the best person you can be but denied common decency because of ignorance.  There have been many occasions where I have dealt with people and it was obvious that they felt they were entitled to being treated better than I was when they didn't even know me.  I often wonder where does this feeling of entitlement come from? Why do people feel that they are the exception to the rules because they are them?  Why do they feel that I am not worthy because they are them? And why do they feel that they should not be called on it? How can you get mad at someone for calling you out on your actions? You mean you're mad because I'm mad that you're out of line. ..you're mad that I'm mad with you????

   Do I think racism will ever go away? Not likely, hate begets hate and very rarely does it beget courage to overcome it.  The best I can do is educate mine and try to spread that knowledge and be as aware as possible.  To the people on that blog and blogs and mindsets alike I say. .. God bless you all.

D W B

   I recently upgraded my old Honda civic to a brand spanking new Dodge Durango.  I have driven this truck to and from work everyday since then as well as other places, but I had an experience that I had only heard about or witnessed from the sidelines up until then.  On one particularly non special morning I was driving to work.  It was very early in the morning, before seven.

    I drove the same route I always drive in the same hurried fashion that I keep trying to break myself of, all while talking to my fiancé on my cool new car blue tooth function.  Driving down the road going 5, possibly 10 miles over the speed limit (not sure because I always get the speed limit wrong by like 5 miles on that road since it's usually a caravan of people driving in a giant cluster).  On this particular morning I happened to be pretty much alone going down the street when I could see the light turning yellow.  I started slowing down and as I got closer to the light I noticed a cop car to the right, kinda hiding behind some large trees.  By the time I was able to see him I was going pretty slow in order to stop at the light.  I passed him and I stopped very shortly afterwards at the light.  After a few moments he pulled out behind me.

   I didn't think anything of it, but then the light turned green and his lights started flashing!  I couldn't believe I was getting pulled over!  I knew I hadn't done anything wrong so I waited for him to walk up to my window with my fiancé patiently waiting as well on the bluetooth.  The officer reached my window and the first question out of his mouth was: "is this your car?"  It was such an unexpected question that I actually had to think about it for a second.  I told him yes of course this is my car!  After a bit of back and forth about what speed I was going (he didn't even know the speed limit either), I eventually have him the information he requested.  I watched him take my paperwork and license to the back of my car and join 2 other cops who were suddenly back there.

   As my fiancé and I began talking about what happened I kept my eyes on the gaggle of hens in my rearview mirror.  We discussed how ridiculous it was for him to ask me that and I began getting extremely irritated as the reality of the situation began to sink in.  My irritation grew to anger as I watched the 3 cluckers stand behind me laughing and talking while wasting my time in the process.  With my anger came assumptions as to what was so funny to the 3 white officers who obviously racial profiled me and were now probably making racist jokes at my expense.  The cop finally came back, handed me my information and told me snottily to watch my speed and something else I think,  I was still preoccupied by what had just happened.  My fiancé says I should have gotten his badge number but I explained that I was in too much shock to even think of that.

    That experience was a first for me as far as directly in my face type of racism that I noticed. I've heard stories about people being racially profiled,  but never actually had it happen until then.  It was a reality check of epic proportions about the underlined feelings that are still prevalent today.  I know the situation could have been worse and I thank God it wasn't,  but I will never forget the events of that day. It reminds me of that song by Kanye West, All Falls Down: "Even if you're in a Benz, you're still a nigger in a coupe."
 

My fiancee says the craziest things...

    One day my fiancee and I were leaving a discount store and when we got to the corner, there was a homeless couple. The man was holding the sign and the woman was sitting down. My finance looked at me and said, look where we're at! We're not at some high end store,we're leaving the poor people store. Why do homeless people beg from poor people?  We're barely a step above them, that doesn't even make sense!

   Personally I thought this to be hilarious, true and hilarious.  Don't get me wrong, my fiancee, although brutally honest and sometimes extremely mean, he would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it.  It does make me wonder though, you never truly know the backstory of what people went through or are going through. It's hard out for everybody, living paycheck to paycheck, struggling to pay bills and still trying to come up in life.  So of course it's hard to see people who are worse off. I couldn't imagine not having anybody in this world to help me out when I need it.

   It's an annoying internal debate to want to help every lost soul in the world you encounter, but know that you can't because you have to provide for your own first. For me, I think the worst thing we can do as parents is not be the strength our children need so I absolutely hate to see people panhandling with their kids in tow. One time I was coming out of a store at like 11 pm on a Tuesday night and this woman approached me with her obviously embarrassed daughter pulling up the rear. The woman was telling me how they had no food to eat, no diapers for her baby, etc etc. I kept glancing at her daughter who was probably no more than 9 or 10 and you could tell she was mortified. I didn't get the impression that she was sad because of what her mother was saying, I got the feeling that she was desperately trying to telepathically teleport herself far, far away. The mother was acting in a manner such as that of an addict, grinding her teeth and not able to stand still, so I could only imagine the real reason for the begging.

  At the end of the day though I'll never know what was really going on or how that poor child was actually feeling. I didn't have any change so I couldn't help her, but I imagine that someone that hard up should be asking for food and not money. I couldn't imagine putting my children through that, being that type of influence for them. I understand that children loosen the heart strings, but come on now.....    But alas that is only my opinion looking in from the outside. But when I was down and out, which I have been a couple times, the thought of putting that burden on my children never entered my head....

Best Thing E.V.E.R

   I totally just had a HUGE "Go Me" attack while getting ready for work.  It's always so easy for me to get down on myself for this or that and just go nutzo for, no reason, on myself at the most random times.  This morning though I had a complete 180 of that!  I was getting ready for work and thinking about all of the projects I am trying to get going like, my foundation, PTA, write a book, school, blah blah blah.  I was thinking about my book, and I just started thinking about how incredibly good it will be, especially if I am able to put it on screen or something.  I am so excited to get this book done!  It is something that needs to be out there, it is long overdue.  That is all, I just wanted to share that with everyone, Try to have a giant "Go Me" today!  It's really fun! :D

People today...

   I took my car to the dealership to see about getting a part I needed for my car and the guy told me I would need to wait while they looked it over to assess the supposed "damage", pfft!  Anyway, I went to go look for a seat outside as I figured the wait shouldn't be too long and there was an older woman sitting there already. I got a phone call as I approached her and the bench and asked her if I could sit down, she obliged.  I sat down next to the older woman and got into my phone conversation, making sure not to be that obnoxious loud, ridiculous person on a cellphone.  I was on my phone, telling my friend about me and my daughter watching RuPaul's Drag Race and blah blah blah.  I noticed that the woman next to me gave me a "look".  I looked over at her and she rolled her eyes at me... I asked her if there was something I could do for her.  She asked me how old my daughter was, I told her 6, she told me that I should be a more responsible parent.  It was at this point that I told my caller I would have to call them back.  It took all the strength in the world for me to not flip out on this woman, instead I thought rationally and decided to see where this was going.

   I took a deep breath and asked the woman to continue.  She explained to me that "good, normal" men do not walk around in women's clothing, especially on TV and good parents do not allow their children to watch such nonsense.  It's bad enough that I, myself, would buy into such disgusting behavior, but to allow my child to do so as well at such a young age, is just dangerous.  As politely as I could, I went in on this older woman.  I explained to her that unfortunately, I do not know any "good, normal" men, and neither would I want to.  I do not want to expose my daughter to "good, normal" men either.  I am raising my children not to be like people such as her, I teach my children that there is nothing wrong with just being you.  I teach my children not to judge other people for who they are.  I also remind my children that it wasn't so long ago that our ancestors were discriminated against as well for something they could not control, and still happens to this day.  I asked her why she thought that men who did drag were disgusting?  She of course told me it wasn't Christian-like.  I simply looked at her and sighed.  I asked her about the part of the Bible where it says to love everyone as Jesus has loved us?  I asked her if she had done some things in her life that weren't exactly "Christian-like",  I asked her how horrible would it be if everyone were to go through life ganging up on people only because of what they see, never to actually know people as people but as broad unjustified generalizations...  I told her it has happened before, happens today in fact, every single day.  I asked her what if people were to judge her without ever knowing her.  She stared at me blankly through all of my questions and was still just staring at me, trying to find the words when the guy came up to me and told me that they were ready.

   I got up and the woman watched me as I stood up, still contemplating what she should say, and I turned to her, told her my name and that it was nice to talk to her.  I left her with: I didn't assume that you were racist because you were white.  You shouldn't assume that men who dress up as women are anything less than people who deserve common courtesy just like you and everybody else.  Nobody wants to be written off because of who we are, just think about that, please.  Have a great day.

    People ask me if I am obsessed with gay people or drag queens.  I wouldn't call it obsessed, I just enjoy and admire people who are true to themselves, it's just a bonus if they're fabulous! :D  I am an admirer of people who are different, people who are fun, (this list can go on and on), and I live for the opportunity to stand up for what's right and have an intelligent conversation.

It's For Your Benefit, Really.....

So a friend and I were having a conversation about watching slavery movies with white people, if I would watch one with her.  I hadda stop and think about this for a moment..... The conclusion I came to was that is not a situation I would want to be in.  I don't think that would be comfortable AT ALL.  I am ashamed to admit that I am just now catching up on the movies that show how my ancestors have been treated throughout history, like Rosewood, Ghosts of Mississippi, Malcolm X, and such.  I still have yet to see Roots and Amistad.  I never wanted to watch these movies in the past because I knew how horrible, saddening, and depressing they would be. 

  It's a hard pill to swallow to think that years ago, my ancestors were lynched, beaten, burned, raped,  tortured and other horrible acts... simply because people of a different skin color deemed them less than human because of the difference of that skin color.  My ancestors were not judged by their acts, but by the color of their skin.  They were treated worse than animals... human beings thought less of than dogs, simply because their skin was different.  The beautiful, NATURAL, brown skin they were born with elicited hate so strong that they were killed for it.  That just amazes, bewilders, angers, saddens, and angers me so much.  Yes I said anger twice because it is upsetting to an unknown degree. 

  Granted I do not hold anyone accountable for mistakes of the past, I do not hate white people for what was done back then, nor do I expect them to apologize or attempt to make amends for it.  This does not mean that feelings of anger do not come full force while watching such emotional movies, though.  In an attempt to be honest with myself as well as others, I personally do not think I would feel comfortable in that type of setting.  I would also not be comfortable watching Schindler's list with white people either or going to a Paul Mooney show with them.  There are just certain situations that can and should be avoided in my opinion.  This also avoids the possibility of the wrong thing being said or taken wrong during these situations.

  Of course I know someone is going to say that we should be able to be comfortable in any situation no matter what the color of our skin is collectively, but I'm just being honest as a human being and even I am not perfect.  What do you think?